WELCOME TO SEASON 5

It was a tough decision on how to move forward today - we are a white-centered podcast by virtue of having two white hosts. However, we have always been a podcast that has been trying to move our communities forward in social justice and so today we're trying to do our part in that. This is a surface level introduction to understanding white supremacy and its ongoing presence in this country and our (my, your, our) lives. We have been complicit by virtue of our whiteness. We have been benefiting from a system that is rigged in our favor. If that makes you uncomfortable, you are not alone, but I hope you listen anyway. And if you'd prefer to skip me talking (which I absolutely respect), skip to the last 15 minutes and I list some books and organizations I'm learning from and supporting.

Pretty Sure the title of the episode says it all this week.

In this EPIC conclusion to our EPIC two episode arc premiering this EPIC season, these two pals just keep talking like they always do. Annie’s rate of crying is at least THREE TIMES BIGGER than last week’s episode. In fact she just snuffles her way through this whole episode, but she also turns a lot of corners in her ability to stand up for herself and assert her boundaries. We are all proud of Ann Krabb as she becomes a real Ben Schmidt. Meanwhile. Maddie blissfully discusses her desirability on the LA market. A classic moment of solidarity for these two rising stars.

Season five opens with a brand new feature of LSF - Annie is an official (albeit temporary) resident of Los Angeles, fulfilling Maddie’s decade long dream of controlling Annie’s life. These two chia pets, growing and changing in the wind, are both the same and not: Annie’s been recently heartbroken and Maddie has suitors, but their attitudes and reactions to their scenarios are new and different. You know, like chia pets. Yeah. The metaphor definitely works. On this episode we catch up on what’s been going on during social distance time and what’s to come. Welcome back listeners.

Maddie and Annie spend the week in perfect domestic bliss together. There was a homemade ravioli, an explosive mess from Annie’s suitcase, and two viewings of Booksmart in 20 hours. Maddie and Annie worked HARD on their various professional endeavors and then had some well-deserved wind-down time with weed mints. After spending the night together, our two heroines immediately jump on Tinder for some high speed confidence boosting.

In this episode, two young women make contact with each other, and with what’s her name Foster. Maddie finally announces that she won’t be running for president. Annie talks at length about her book, and it’s a little bit like, “Enough already. I’ll buy a copy if you stop talking about it.” And that’s how the book became a bestseller.

In what is by far the silliest and least professional episode of this otherwise super serious series, Maddie and Annie record the rare hour they get to spend together in this world. Annie - 26, good build, dazzling green eyes, drives a stick shift - selflessly picks her best friend up from the airport at 11:30 pm (oh yes, ladies, she's single). As the night turns to morning, Annie and Maddie go deeper and deeper…into the heart of Novato. The many audio issues during this recording do not explain how dramatically different these two heroines’ vocal qualities are, which they shamelessly force you to witness when they sing a classic ballad mid episode. This episode will leave you feeling small next to this swirling ocean of love.

Look they can’t all be winners. This episode has no unifying theme, the prospects for a coherent description are bleak. This episode was just as weird for us to record as it probably was for you to listen to. Maddie realizes with one single glance in the mirror that she is undesirable, ogre-like, and definitely needs braces. How sad that she lived with the delusion that this wasn’t true for the last 27 years and 2 months. Glad we didn’t have to be the ones to tell her though. Meanwhile, Annie recounts her time on Broadway, where she once entered a kick line with her old pal Bette Midler. Oh my god you just have to listen to find out more about it.

This episode has more surprises more frequent than Maddie’s mucusy Bronchitis coughs. We begin with an unexpected appearance from Dr. Claire (she/her), who’s seen a lot of vaginas for a straight woman. Amid doctor talk Annie is forced to say the word clitoris out loud. Maddie coughs up the last of her heartbreak as she prepares for the new year with some inspiring fitness goals. Annie oversells how many sexual partners she has had; this probably caused the sudden uptick in her unearned confidence, which caused her to apply for a college teaching position via Twitter post.

Maddie and Annie do some deep digging on their tinder profiles and the ultimate conclusion is that we’ll both be making out with hot dogs this year. Maddie humble brags about her modeling career and Annie takes it upon herself to check Maddie’s ego. In the last episode of 2019, Maddie sends Annie off to her family wth a directive to wear her new Timberlands no matter how much her family bullies her. Meanwhile, cuffing season with Maddie’s family will leave her one of 9 people without a partner. As for this year on the pod, I’ll quote Karen Smith when I say, “that was the best it ever went!”